Poem

Jonathan Burstain

Ap Lang.

Kirk Ferentz

1.Oh how I exalt Kirk Ferentz,

2.the most famously unknown coach in college football,

3.except when you mention his salary

4.where he ranks 6^th.

5.Frantic fans flock to the stands of Kinnick

6.only to watch their Hawkeyes lose to Iowa State.

7.Atleast he beat Central Michigan, oh wait…

8.His play calling is staler than two week old bread.

9.The plays scream out before the ball is snapped.

10.Even Helen Keller knows what play is going to be called. 

 11.Kirk Ferentz is as reliable as the I.R.S. collecting taxes.

12.You know he will rustle together a sub-par team

13.to finish in the lower-middle of the conference,

14.barely getting us to our yearly reservations at the Alamo Bowl.

 15.Oh how I exalt Kirk Ferentz…

Line 1 (and line 15) is an example of verbal irony.  The whole poem bashes Kirk Ferentz but the major premise is how much I look up to Kirk Ferentz.

Line 2 contains an oxymoron.  His is famous for brining Iowa out of 2-10 seasons yet he has done nothing in his tenure to make a name for himself recently.  He is known from his big salary (mentioned in later lines).

Line 5 is an example of alliteration.  It creates energy within the line only to watch the energy die in line 6 when I mention them losing to Iowa State.

Line 8 is a hyperbole.  It is an exaggeration of how predicable and stale Kirk’s play calling is.   What is staler than old bread? 

Line 9 uses personification.  Plays can’t scream.  The play is screaming what its plan is before the actual play happens.  This infers that the opposing team knows what play Iowa is going to run before the ball in snapped. 

Line 10 is an allusion.  Helen Keller is deaf and blind.  The fact that she can figure out what play is going to be called infers that the play calling is really obvious and predictable.

Line 11 is a simile.  What is more reliable than the I.R.S. collecting taxes? Death, but I felt that mentioning the I.R.S. would stir some negative emotions that people would then associate with Kirk Ferentz.

Line 12 uses an onomatopoeia.  “Rustle” is often used to describe a noise that is made.  It’s an ironic onomatopoeia because finishing in the lower-middle of the Big Ten conference doesn’t make a lot of noise.  Finishing in the bottom of the conference causes the media to stop talking about your football team. That’s why rustling together a football team is funny because the football team doesn’t make any national noise anymore.      

My Fitness Pal

There was a new application I found last week that has changed the way I eat.  It is called my fitness pal.  It takes your height, weight, age, and everything that is related to burning calories.  It then asks you how much weight you would like to lose.  It is pretty incredible.  It really makes me work before I eat.  If I want to eat something, I have to open the app, find the food I want to eat, and stare at the amount of calories I am going to consume.  Usually the guilt of the calories or my laziness changes my mind about the food.  I don’t starve but all of the mindless eating has stopped.  I am not eating because I am bored anymore.  Trust me, those mindless calories add up.  I have lost 7lbs that I put on during my spring break cruise.  I am really happy and I feel more energized.  I really recommend you get this app if you want to take an easy step to losing weight fast.  There is no pill.  There is only control of how much food you intake and how much you exercise.  Hope it helps someone as much as it has helped me. J

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Meat

Nothing beats a juicy steak but beef can be unhealthy for you.  It isn’t unhealthy because it is red meat.  It is unhealthy because most cows are marbled with fat.  This fat is saturated and bad for you.  Steak is great in moderation.  Here are some other meat options to help live a healthier life.

Buffalo (Bison)

No matter how good white meat can be, it will never truly satiate the craving for red meat. Buffalo, however, can. It’s probably the reddest meat you’ll ever see and unlike beef, it’s pretty good for you.

A hunk of buffalo has far less fat than steak and buffalo are generally grass-fed, which means healthier meat. Let’s compare burgers: Your typical lean hamburger (10% fat) contains about 0.32 oz (9 g) of fat. Buffalo burgers, on the other hand, contain less than half that, about 0.14 oz (4 g). Not bad for a tasty burger. There was a point when buffalo were endangered, but the beasts have made a comeback, especially on ranches. Today, buffalo meat is readily available in most grocery stores.
 

Chicken

White meat is much better for you than red -- that’s a well-known fact. As such, chicken (not deep-fried) is a great alternative to red meats. It’s low in fat -- without the skin -- and it’s pretty tasty if it’s prepared correctly. Chicken is a great source of protein and, as an added bonus; it’s less expensive than beef. But remember, there’s always the risk of E. coli infection when you’re dealing with chicken. Be sure to cook or heat it to an internal temperature of at least 165F to kill off the bugs.

Also, charred grilled chicken can contain some cancer-causing chemicals, such as heterocyclic amines, so limit your consumption of well-blackened chicken.
 

Turkey

Turkey is a relatively recent addition to the world’s protein menu, and it’s great for you. Turkey is generally a white meat (turkey breast), but it has more flavor than chicken, and its dark meat can be oily. Try and stay away from the dark meat.  Turkey meat is also relatively low in fat: one 4.9 oz (140 g) serving of skinless roasted turkey contains about 0.25 oz (7 g) of fat.  It is a great alternative when you are sick of eating Chicken.

Salmon

Salmon is a personal favorite although my girlfriend won’t touch the stuff.  It has a unique taste that people either like or hate.  Some people acquire a taste for salmon but most know right away whether they like it or not.  Anyway, to the beneficial properties of salmon.  Salmon contains omega-3 fatty acids.  These omega-3 fatty acids are essential to proper brain function.  Deprivation of omega-3 can lead to depression, improper brain function, fatigue, and weight gain.  A 8 oz. fillet has 48 grams of protein and 16 grams of good fat.  It is also a good source of Thiamin, Riboflavin and Phosphorus, and a very good source of Protein, Niacin, Vitamin B12 and Selenium.
 

Hawkeye Special Team Predictions

      There’s no denying Iowa took positive steps in special teams last season. This coming season, the special teams is the only thing that looks good.  Senior Jordan Cotton returns to the Hawkeyes after taking “1” (really 2) kick offs to the house.  He is really strong.

     More often than not, special teams have helped as much as they’ve hurt. You arguably could pin a few losses on flubbed onside kick recovery attempts (Minnesota in 2010-11 and Central Michigan last season), but for the most part, Iowa’s special teams have been perfect segues to the ensuing commercial break.

For example, the Hawkeyes finished 24th nationally in kick return defense last season. In kick returns, it was No. 50. Iowa was great at covering punts (No. 13 at 4.41 yards per return), but not so great at returning them (No. 80 with 7.44 per).  We aren’t allowing big plays or making them.  With the addition of our new special teams coordinator, Chris White, I think things might change.  We will still keep big plays from happening but we might make a few big plays for the sports center top 10.  

      New assistant coach Chris White spent the last four seasons as special teams assistant with the Minnesota Vikings.  He did have Percy Harvin to work with, but he is still very good.   He knows how to stop big plays (something Iowa is usually really good at) and he is also really good at making big special teams plays.  One thing the Hawkeye fans should look for is a blocked punt/field goal.  Coach White has made it one of his marquee plays.  Big kick returns from Jordan Cotton is also possible. 

     One thing Iowa really has to work on is the onside kick.  Kirk Ferentz said in an interview that some players are assigned to block and some are assigned to receive.  He went on to say that neither assignment was done well.  We shouldn’t have lost to Central Michigan because that personal foul at the end was bull shit.  We shouldn’t have given up the onside kick! It was ridiculous!  The Hawks look like confused school girls.  Just because there are two kickers doesn’t mean you lose focus.  It means you have one less person coming after the ball.  I think the Hawkeyes have to completely change their strategy of the onside kick.  They need to have a couple less blockers but make them offensive line men.  Then put your back-up receivers in behind to secure the loose ball.  Back-up receivers aren’t practicing with the first team so they will have more time to practice the onside kick.  I do not want to give up one onside kick this year.  It has attributed to 3 loses in the last 3 seasons and it is totally unacceptable.  That is one reason Ferentz hired Coach White. 

     My prediction for the special teams is that they Hawkeyes will have an incredible year.  They will block one kicking attempt and score 3 TDs off of kick offs.  They will even get a muffed punt.  Big aspirations, but that’s what comes when you hire someone to focus on special teams.   

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Nebraska Spring Game 2013

Nebraska won my heart on Saturday when their football team put seven year old, Jack Hoffman, into the football game.  Jack Hoffman has had a rough seven years.  He has been through multiple surgeries to battle his brain cancer.  He is a true hero. The Nebraska Cornhuskers have adopted Jack to their team.  He has attended multiple practices and games.  Football is his favorite sport and he has really enjoyed being a part of the football program this year.

Last Saturday though, was something different.  The Nebraska spring game is a real football game.  It has major implications on who will start for the following year.  There is a lot of pressure on the players to perform.  The usually have around 60,000 people watching their spring game.  In the middle of their aggressive spring game, they brought out Jack Hoffman in full uniform (number 22).  He was positioned at running back and when Martinez hiked the ball, he handed it off to Jack.  It was a real play.  The seven year old began to sprint passed the colossal defensive players in his race to the end zone.  Offensive players did a pretty good job blocking and making it look somewhat realistic.  When he scored a touchdown (it was put on the board for the record books), both benches of the Nebraska football team emptied to surround Jack.  I can only imagine the joy Jack felt.  A big tip of the hat to the Nebraska Cornhuskers for showing the country that there are some things that are more important than football.  I respect their program and will root for them until the Hawks go to Lincoln.

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NIT Champs > First Round Big Dance Loss

Number 3 seeded Iowa Hawkeyes will play Baylor tonight for the NIT title.  Many say that they would have rather lost first round in the big dance than win the NIT.  If the Iowa team was full of experienced seniors, I would probably agree, but that is not the case.  Iowa is a very young team who needs more game experience.  Iowa has also played four games on Espn and gained good national exposure.   I would much rather win the NIT and take the momentum into the off season than go lose in the first round of the big dance. 

Iowa is very young.  If you take a look back to the start of the season and the middle of the season, you will find our struggles.  The young team didn’t know how to close out a game.  They struggled late and weren’t able to put games away.  It all comes from experience.  As the Hawkeyes finished the season, they showed a little composure but still struggled.  The NIT has given the Hawkeyes a great opportunity.  Extra practices and games against solid teams have aloud Iowa to practice closing out games.  They have proven that they can play smart basketball, get a nice lead, and close out a game.  That was simply not true when the Hawks started this year.  The young guys, such as Adam Woodbury have gained two weeks of extra practice and high-profile games against stiff competition. Woodbury and Gabe Olaseni tested their skills against Alex Len, Maryland’s big man and projected lottery pick, and didn’t shy away one bit.  

Iowa has received a lot of recruiting buzz from the NIT.  The NIT airs during the dull times of sports.  There was no Miami heat record to watch, no big dance games, only the Hawks on Espn.  The games were fun to watch too.  Carver Hawkeye was sold out for the two NIT games.  Nobody is talking about Wisconsin, Illinois, and Minnesota, teams that were knocked out early in the big dance.  Iowa is still talked about.  Recruits are watching these games and it is leaving a good impression.  The benefits from winning the NIT will carry forward to the next year. 

Iowa has a great chance to win the NIT this year.  They are on fire defensively and are shooting with poise.  I fully expect a win tonight fairing the Hawks don’t become complacent.  I highly doubt that will happen.  The positives from winning the NIT will carry the Hawks easily into the big dance next year.  Maybe we could even snatch a 3 seed for the big dance? Anything is possible in basketball.

450

Iowa to NIT Finals!

     Iowa is heading to the finals of the NIT.  They had a solid win in the final four against Maryland.  There were four keys that won the hawks the game this time.  Devon Marble played extremely well as he has during the NIT.  Lone senior, Eric May, proved he can provide momentum and leadership on the court.  Iowa’s defense was outstanding.  Finally, Iowa was able to close out a game for the second straight game.

     Devon Marble.  The NBA is going to have to take a look at him.  He had a super-efficient 21 points on 16 shots, grabbed 9 rebounds to go along with three assists, a block and a steal, and generally looked like a player with no fear and infinite swag.  He has averaged 24.3 points per game, 4.8 rebounds per game, 4.8 assists per game, and 2.5 steals per game in the NIT -- oh, and he's only been whistled for TWO FOULS through all four games.  That is the best run by any Iowa player in a long time if not ever.  Marble struggled for two games midway through the season but since those games, he has been on fire.  He will definitely be a key to winning the NIT championship game.

     Eric May.  Lone senior.  Poor guy was caught sleeping on the plane.  They put a playboy magazine over his hand and waste area.  It was funny as hell.  How does May respond.  He records his best game of the year.  He had 12 points, 4 rebounds, a team-best 5 assists, 3 steals, and only 1 foul in a team-high 36 minutes of playing time.  Seniors always seem to step up at the best times and Eric May chose a good game to step up.  Iowa fans should be proud of his performance. 

     Iowa Defense!! This is the defense we missed in the last game.  Guys were steeling and anticipating passes!  Maryland had 17 turnovers that lead to 27 points.  Game, set, match.  It is very hard to win when Iowa commits a season low 7 turnovers.  This was the aggressive, block contesting, stone cold defense I want to see every game.  If this defense shows up, Baylor has no shot.    

     Iowa was able to close out a game! Hooray.  With two minutes remaining, Iowa was clinging to a four point lead.  Eric May managed to get fouled and nailed both free throws.  Senior, Eric May also made a clutch three pointer to put the Hawks up 9 with 40 seconds to play.  It was the knife in the back of Maryland.  The Achilles heel of this team was closing out games.  Eric May sent a message that closing out games was no longer a problem.  He did it perfectly.

     It was an amazing game for the Hawkeyes and a well-deserved win.  Nobody expected the Hawkeyes to go to the finals but we made a statement that the Hawks have come to play.  We are winning convincingly and often.  The Hawks are 11-2 in their last thirteen games.  It’s really exciting to see how much this team has improved in March.  I am very excited for tomorrow’s game as well as the season next year! 

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