Poem

Jonathan Burstain

Ap Lang.

Kirk Ferentz

1.Oh how I exalt Kirk Ferentz,

2.the most famously unknown coach in college football,

3.except when you mention his salary

4.where he ranks 6^th.

5.Frantic fans flock to the stands of Kinnick

6.only to watch their Hawkeyes lose to Iowa State.

7.Atleast he beat Central Michigan, oh wait…

8.His play calling is staler than two week old bread.

9.The plays scream out before the ball is snapped.

10.Even Helen Keller knows what play is going to be called. 

 11.Kirk Ferentz is as reliable as the I.R.S. collecting taxes.

12.You know he will rustle together a sub-par team

13.to finish in the lower-middle of the conference,

14.barely getting us to our yearly reservations at the Alamo Bowl.

 15.Oh how I exalt Kirk Ferentz…

Line 1 (and line 15) is an example of verbal irony.  The whole poem bashes Kirk Ferentz but the major premise is how much I look up to Kirk Ferentz.

Line 2 contains an oxymoron.  His is famous for brining Iowa out of 2-10 seasons yet he has done nothing in his tenure to make a name for himself recently.  He is known from his big salary (mentioned in later lines).

Line 5 is an example of alliteration.  It creates energy within the line only to watch the energy die in line 6 when I mention them losing to Iowa State.

Line 8 is a hyperbole.  It is an exaggeration of how predicable and stale Kirk’s play calling is.   What is staler than old bread? 

Line 9 uses personification.  Plays can’t scream.  The play is screaming what its plan is before the actual play happens.  This infers that the opposing team knows what play Iowa is going to run before the ball in snapped. 

Line 10 is an allusion.  Helen Keller is deaf and blind.  The fact that she can figure out what play is going to be called infers that the play calling is really obvious and predictable.

Line 11 is a simile.  What is more reliable than the I.R.S. collecting taxes? Death, but I felt that mentioning the I.R.S. would stir some negative emotions that people would then associate with Kirk Ferentz.

Line 12 uses an onomatopoeia.  “Rustle” is often used to describe a noise that is made.  It’s an ironic onomatopoeia because finishing in the lower-middle of the Big Ten conference doesn’t make a lot of noise.  Finishing in the bottom of the conference causes the media to stop talking about your football team. That’s why rustling together a football team is funny because the football team doesn’t make any national noise anymore.